Help Unwanted

Kelp, I need someone

Selp, not just anyone

Jelp, you know I need someone

Help.

“Harold, old man," Miles said, "I do believe that song has already been done by the Beatles, a rather famous British band.” Miles smiled when he remembered his second life, travelling around with the Beatles, and later, the Rolling Stones. Of course, Miles thought, I did not help them write Help.

“Well, you told me to use songs that I knew, and then rewrite the words" Harold moaned. "So I used Jelp, Selp and Kelp instead of help. Get it?”

“Well, that’s not what I meant, Harold. Let me explain. Perhaps you could use an old time tune, like Golden Slippers, and then write lyrics to go with the music. I’m afraid that if you tried to sell a song called 'Help Unwanted,' that had practically the same lyrics as the Beatle song, 'Help,' well, that’s called plagiarism, Harold.”

Harold sat on the stairs, perplexed. He caressed the banjo on his lap, trying to pluck a string, but his hand went right through the instrument, and when he realized this, he lost all composure and the instrument sank through his lap and landed on the floor with a bang.

“Harold, you have to focus. Remember, materialize. You can do it.”

Blood fell out of Harold’s eyes like tear drops. Actually, they were teardrops, comprised of blood.

“Good job, old man.” Miles squeaked. “That looks like real blood.”

“It is real blood,” Harold said. “I feel a little faint.”

“Oh dear,” Miles said. “Maybe we should take a little nap?”

Miles thought that a wonderful idea. He’d much rather snooze in his hidey-hole than help Harold write songs. It was, however, better than listening to Harold’s dreadful poetry. And Miles loved music. When Harold was in a good mood, granted, a rare event, he could actually materialize long enough to play some banjo tunes. Miles kept time with his tail, beating it against the floorboards or old tin pans. Miles had ordered a bodhran from Elderly Instruments, but it had not yet arrived.
Miles was also working on getting Harold a vintage Gibson mandolin on EBay. Unfortunately, someone always came in at the last minute and overbid him by the minimum amount. Miles had his pride, and was not going to pay for one of those programs that bid for him. He considered that to be cheating.